I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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