I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
