This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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