I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
