hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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