I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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