Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
