i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
