Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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