Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
