sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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