I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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