I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
