Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
