The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
