if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
