apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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