They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
