He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
