I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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