its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
