An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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