Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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