Plan B is the new Plan A
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
