get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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