Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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