In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
