Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
someone owes me an orgasm
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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