Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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