my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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