I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
