ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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