85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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