They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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