i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
