We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
