Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
