East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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