my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
