My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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