Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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