i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
