she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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