I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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