How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
