I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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