hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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