i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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