I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
