I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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