Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
