i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
