i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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