I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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