so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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