I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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