Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
